The truth is I cannot wait until summer. My students cannot wait until summer. The other day I overheard one student commenting to another about how there are 20 something school days left and when she caught my eye she said, “I mean, we love you Mrs. Alleyn…uhhh…” My reply was something along the lines of, “I get it, I get it…love you guys too…uhhhh…” We are all just done.
Most days by the end of dinner hour I look like this:
Teaching and parenting simultaneously is border line insane. These days have been long and yet…short. These days have been trying and fulfilling all in one. These days have been incredibly frustrating and completely triumphant within five passing minutes. I feel as if I’ve been on an educational roller coast since November (when I finished maternity leave) and I am so so so ready to get off this ride for a while. I’m ready to be just a mama and not a teacher for a while again and I feel guilty about that.
Last night I couldn’t fall asleep when my head finally hit the pillow. I started thinking about all the school and blog things I wanted to do this year that didn’t happen. I started going down the “you’re not smart enough” path. I went through some the areas in my teaching practice that could use some polishing (marking and prompt feedback, math planning and a concrete end to our science unit). This pattern of negative thinking is familiar to me so I was not surprised that my mind went wandering there, especially following a fun gathering with some brilliant and very skilled teacher friends (Meaghan included) whom I love deeply, but often compare myself to because their standard of work ethic and professionalism is so high. Eventually I fell asleep.
I woke up this morning thinking that next year I’ll have a year’s worth of being a working mama under my belt, and while I have no idea where or what I’ll be teaching next year (yet) I already know of some things I plan to do differently. I’ll share these things on the blog once I feel ready, but until then…I am holding on by a thread.
High fives and all the props to all you teacher parents out there. On those days when you feel you rarely get a moment of silence know that it’s because you likely DON’T ever get a moment of silence; therefore, force yourself to take a deep breath and turn off all the sounds. This works for me most days!